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"How to Stop Being a Good Girl and Start Getting Great Results!!"
Cocktails and Conversations
April 7, 2003
Report written by Lauree A. Ostrofsky
Photography © Maryanne Russell
It was a dark and stormy night. No really, it was.
Despite the April snowstorm, NYWICI members committed to understanding themselves better and finding creative inspiration for their careers braved the elements to meet Nancy Fredericks and Candy Deemer at the April Cocktails & Conversation “How to Stop Being a Good Girl and Start Getting Great Results” at St. Bart’s Community House.
What we heard there were anecdotes and advice on how internal barriers to believing in our own self-worth can affect the external barriers we fall prey to or set up as roadblocks in the pathways to our success.
As consultants, executive coaches and now authors, Nancy and Candy call the first of these internal barriers, “limiting self-beliefs.”
They believe women often see themselves as far less than who they really are. This makes many of us withdraw from risk and feel as if we’re cheating others if we rise above them in the workplace.
To overcome limiting self-beliefs: quiet that voice. Make a conscious effort to focus on your strengths. Candy and Nancy suggest writing down three things you’re good at and three “yes I can’s”—affirmations that you can accomplish specific goals or be the person you want to be. Repeat these six statements every morning for 30 days. They promise you will feel a difference.
Another internal barrier to our success is what they call “a rigid mindset,” feeling that you’re right and whatever the new idea presented to you is, the answer is no. Success comes through creativity, innovation…and allowing new ideas to flourish before making a decision.
Candy and Nancy suggest challenging yourself: choose to respond with an open mind to new ideas, but pay attention to any physical reactions (eyebrow raise, arms folded, etc.) when you sense yourself feeling right or about to say no. Have you reacted too soon? If so, consider exploring the possibility that something will work or simply ask “how.” These tactics honor the people you’re speaking to and their ideas.
The third internal barrier is the “Good Girl Syndrome,”—revering the status quo, the established rules, rather than viewing each new idea as an opportunity for growth and success. As young girls, Nancy and Candy assert, we are rewarded for listening to grown-ups and following all the rules. But this limits our ability as leaders at work and in our lives. Focus more on “doing the right thing” rather than “doing what’s right.” Ask for what you want and explain why you deserve it.
Finally, many of us are limited by “victim orientation,” when we see ourselves as powerless and blame others for our current situation. You may hear yourself asking, “Why did this happen to me?” Sound familiar? Instead, visualize yourself as a victor, as the person with all the power. Think, “What can I do about this situation?”
A parting thought from Candy Deemer and Nancy Fredericks: don’t dwell in your comfort zone and with what seems right. Challenge yourself and just Go For It!
To view more images of the event, visit the News Archive.
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